Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
