Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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