she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
