i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
