If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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