doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
