I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
