The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
