I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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