you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
