i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
why is half of my head shaved?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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