At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
