My friends, they love my intelligence
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
