Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
