I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize