Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
