it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize