So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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