Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
