These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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