Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
