Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
