I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize