Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
