i permit you to call me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
