I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
