We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
