The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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