Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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