Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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