4 words: hood of his car
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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