I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
