did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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