I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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