i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
