I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
