I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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