She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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