New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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