My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
