ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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