One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
