Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
