No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
