there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
