Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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