I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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