Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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