I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
