There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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