I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
