were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
