i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
