my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
