we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
