I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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