"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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