You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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