maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
40s are totally the cure
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
