Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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