I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
