david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
