Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
vagina is talking i cant
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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