I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
