If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
