i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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