The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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