some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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