you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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