Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
