dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
