I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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