Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
