If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
