i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
