I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
